I want to mix Atomoxetine and DMT. Seems like an eye opener.

I am not who I used to be. In elementary school I was an innocent anxiety ridden kid. In middle school I was a drug abusing anxiety ridden kid. Freshman year I was absolutely beyond depressed. Then I got better but was absolutely pessimistic. In sophomore year I was more or less the same till halfway through the year. That is when I felt a change. I was absolutely broken hearted not just by a girl but by life. I felt like I was in the beginning of freshman year. I felt defeated, jaded, beaten by life, then I realized what the fuck is stopping me from being happy. Sure I didn’t have everything I wanted to but I had the best friends a person could possibly ask for. I had myself. I stopped sobbing over the past and dreading the future. I changed my outlook. I became positive. I became more in touch with my surroundings. I became more in touch with my goals. I became more in touch with my faith. I became more in touch with myself. I found that true happiness is within. I realized I’m the only thing stopping myself from being happy. I moved on from the past remembering and cherishing every moment but not letting that make me who I am. I stopped worry what would happen to me in the future. Now do I still look to the past for guidance and sometimes let the future scare me yes, but I am getting much better at fighting it. I let go. I became who I am today. I have grown up a lot in high school. I am more mature, more level headed, more positive, happier. Am I still anxiety ridden? Hell yes. But I don’t let that get the best of me anymore. I let my morals and hopes direct me in life now. Do I still have things that I wish were different. Yes, I don’t get to spend everyday with my best friend, my sister has made me have trust issues and is ruining her life and it hurts me more than anything. But the difference between me and the old me is I don’t let that prevent me from being happy. I have learned to accept things. I have learned to accept the things that I cannot change. I have learned to accept everyone for who they are even if I don’t like them, I accept them and the differences we may have. I have not let my fears stop me from doing what I know is right for me. Example: I have a girlfriend she is a relatively new girlfriend we’ve been going out for about two and a half months. My fear of being in a relationship and being hurt is absolutely astronomical but I didn’t let that stop me and now I am in a healthy, fun, personal, absolutely perfect relationship with the best girl I could ever think of. Now you may be wondering why I wrote this well here is the gist: Love who you are no matter what, quit what you don’t love, change what you don’t like in your life, no one has control over your happiness, your thoughts, your life, other than you, do what makes you happy, dance, fight back, be yourself and never forget any moment (good or bad) that had an impact on you. But most of all don’t let your life slip away, there will be times when you wished you had it back, there will be good and bad times in your life, and cherish both. You don’t want a perfect life because then you would never know any emotion, there can be no love without hate, no faith without fact, no life without death. So who wants perfect? Life is a fucking ride for God’s sake. Live it up. It will go by faster than you think. So fall in love, get your heart broken, fight, dance, feast, kiss, scream, cry, break bones, laugh at yourself, fall in the gutter, make a mess of your life, and be who you are no matter what. Life is to short to not be true to yourself. You are the only one who can make yourself truly happy.    

Day 5: It means a lot to me even though I’m sure its no big to them but this past year I left my old high school of Chaparral. The last day I was there my good friends gave me a big card that had some dumb peoples signatures that I could care less about but all my good friends wrote long things about how much I mean to them and I have it in the back of my car when I see it sometimes I still cry. I really miss that school.

Day 6: Oh god. Who knows there are far too many good feelings that girls have given me.

Day 7: Too long to explain and shouldn’t be put into words anyways but I’ll just say I was with my best friend in California, yeah I’m that cliche.

Day 8: The future.

Day 9: To figure out what I really want to do with my life.